Published Feb 3rd, 2/3/26 3:55 pm
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Little bit of story. One that I actually have a lot of lore for this time. At least, this is in a world that I might expand on.
Fuzzy blackness faded in and out at the edges of his vision. He was sitting in the middle of a dungeon cell, similar to one in a movie about knights and dragons. The stones were black though. They reflected a dim green light coming from beyond the wall directly in front of him. It wasn’t so much a wall as it was a set of 12 iron bars, thick as his palm and set from floor to ceiling. The room on the other side was much bigger, having a roof well beyond is point of view. There was a raised platform in the middle of the room. It was circular and went up about four feet, also made of stone. A little girl, maybe 4 years old, stood on the center of it, an oversized beautiful emerald green scarf draped across her shoulders.
“I’M TELLING THE TRUTH!” The voice came from an older man. He was holding the bars from the outside of the cell, knees on the ground. He seemed half dead, and his voice cracked.
Just then the scarf on the child began to move. It slid onto the floor and back up around her neck again. It struck him that the scarf was covered in scales, and as if on cue, the tasseled end came around and looked at him. It had yellow eyes with orange veins. He could see it as if it were right up in his face. The eyes seemed to be weighing him. Looking to see if he should be killed. Waiting for him to make a wrong move. And then he realized, those weren’t tassels, they were fangs. He was staring in the eyes of a snake, and it wanted him dead.
He screamed, but no sound came out. He hadn’t even opened his mouth. He couldn’t. He couldn’t move.
The snake was gliding towards him. It seemed to defy all laws of gravity or logic. Getting closer at an incredible speed, but also as if speed and time didn’t exist at all. Its head couldn’t fit through the bars, yet he knew it could still get him. With all of his effort he willed himself to move, trying to scramble backwards.
Then he was against the wall, and the snake was coming towards his body. He was watching as if in third person. He couldn’t do anything. It was going to bite him. The mouth of the monster opened wide, fangs gleaming in the green glow-
Veiri was lying in his bed, burning up. He still couldn’t move, but maybe that was just because he didn’t want to out of fear. He still half believed the snake was waiting for him on the other side of the bed.
It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. There was no snake, just his imagination. He opened his fist, which had been squeezing so hard his nails dug into his palms. He closed it again, opened it, flexing his fingers. He let out his breath.
Focus on the real. He was in bed. He was safely under his blanket. He was breathing. His favorite poster still hung on the wall. Moonlight shone around the edges of his curtains. He could move his fingers.
He was alive.
Let me know what you think! I would really appreciate feedback!
Here are some questions you could answer if you don't know what to say about it:
1. Are the surroundings vivid? How could they be better described?
2. Does the scene evoke a certain emotion?
3. Was there a part that stood out to you as poorly or well written?
4. Does the scene make sense?
5. Can you relate to the character?
Fuzzy blackness faded in and out at the edges of his vision. He was sitting in the middle of a dungeon cell, similar to one in a movie about knights and dragons. The stones were black though. They reflected a dim green light coming from beyond the wall directly in front of him. It wasn’t so much a wall as it was a set of 12 iron bars, thick as his palm and set from floor to ceiling. The room on the other side was much bigger, having a roof well beyond is point of view. There was a raised platform in the middle of the room. It was circular and went up about four feet, also made of stone. A little girl, maybe 4 years old, stood on the center of it, an oversized beautiful emerald green scarf draped across her shoulders.
“I’M TELLING THE TRUTH!” The voice came from an older man. He was holding the bars from the outside of the cell, knees on the ground. He seemed half dead, and his voice cracked.
Just then the scarf on the child began to move. It slid onto the floor and back up around her neck again. It struck him that the scarf was covered in scales, and as if on cue, the tasseled end came around and looked at him. It had yellow eyes with orange veins. He could see it as if it were right up in his face. The eyes seemed to be weighing him. Looking to see if he should be killed. Waiting for him to make a wrong move. And then he realized, those weren’t tassels, they were fangs. He was staring in the eyes of a snake, and it wanted him dead.
He screamed, but no sound came out. He hadn’t even opened his mouth. He couldn’t. He couldn’t move.
The snake was gliding towards him. It seemed to defy all laws of gravity or logic. Getting closer at an incredible speed, but also as if speed and time didn’t exist at all. Its head couldn’t fit through the bars, yet he knew it could still get him. With all of his effort he willed himself to move, trying to scramble backwards.
Then he was against the wall, and the snake was coming towards his body. He was watching as if in third person. He couldn’t do anything. It was going to bite him. The mouth of the monster opened wide, fangs gleaming in the green glow-
Veiri was lying in his bed, burning up. He still couldn’t move, but maybe that was just because he didn’t want to out of fear. He still half believed the snake was waiting for him on the other side of the bed.
It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. There was no snake, just his imagination. He opened his fist, which had been squeezing so hard his nails dug into his palms. He closed it again, opened it, flexing his fingers. He let out his breath.
Focus on the real. He was in bed. He was safely under his blanket. He was breathing. His favorite poster still hung on the wall. Moonlight shone around the edges of his curtains. He could move his fingers.
He was alive.
Let me know what you think! I would really appreciate feedback!
Here are some questions you could answer if you don't know what to say about it:
1. Are the surroundings vivid? How could they be better described?
2. Does the scene evoke a certain emotion?
3. Was there a part that stood out to you as poorly or well written?
4. Does the scene make sense?
5. Can you relate to the character?
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